


Freudian.... sign?

by TheSpaminator



Series: Hollstein prompt AU [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, SO FLUFFY, This whole series will be fluffy, based on my tumblr post earlier, only rated M for some language and the general theme, thanksgiving oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 20:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4974679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaminator/pseuds/TheSpaminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the fact that today is Thanksgiving (shhh all you Americans. Today is Thanksgiving in Canada) and this (http://thespaminator.tumblr.com/post/130918591003/so-i-saw-the-sign-in-the-first-photo-a-few-weeks) tumblr post I put up earlier.</p><p>Or</p><p>Carmilla is a flirty little shit and Laura is oblivious.</p><p>Find me on the internet: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/sampaicamfin">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Freudian.... sign?

      Carmilla sniffled in the cold, her nose having lost all feeling as her eyes scanned through the windows of all the nearby restaurants for spare seats. She should have known better than to expect anywhere would have room on a national holiday like Thanksgiving though, and she was slowly resigning herself to the fact that she wouldn’t be having anything resembling a full turkey dinner. Of course, she wouldn’t be out in the cold looking for a meal if her mother hadn’t kicked her out of the house in the first place all those days ago. She could return to the house and be fed sure, but only if she admitted that her lesbianism was a phase sooooo, yeah that wasn’t happening. Also, being a small time criminal certainly didn’t endear her to mother dearest (that might have been the real reason but Carmilla found it much easier to hate her mother by telling herself it was the former, even though her mother hadn’t said those words since she’d been a stupid teenager and the woman had in fact changed her tune since. Now in her mid twenties and an olympic level grudge holder, Carmilla was an expert at the whole transfer of guilt thing.)

 

      The dark haired girl rubbed her hands up and down her arms and sighed, the air expelled from her lungs creating clouds that further served to freeze her hair with the rapidly cooling condensation. She was about to turn around and make her way back to the bus station bench she’d been frequenting when her eyes caught on a rather unfortunate sight. Some donair shop had a large sign out on the side of the road to entice drivers by and pedestrians to come in and try their food, only the imagery used was less than...... desirable. Carmilla choked on a laugh and made a snap decision, her feet instead carrying her towards the shop.

 

      Pushing open the heavy glass door, Carmilla pulled off her gloves and shoved them into the pockets of her leather jacket. Looking around, she saw that the place was only at about a third capacity, quite obviously the establishment was the last ditch effort for many people’s thanksgiving plans that night. She could feel her extremities again and that put a certain spring in her step and mischief in her eyes, so Carmilla walked up to the front counter and leaned forward, elbows resting on aged laminate and her signature smirk in place. 

 

      No one was at the counter even after a few moments standing there so Carmilla turned and leaned back against it, arms crossed and head held high as she took in the patrons eating their fried foods. Mostly college students by the looks of it, lots of books spread across tables and myriad stacks of caffeinated beverage cups to go along with their frazzled and stressed out expressions. Ah, final exams. Carmilla chuckled dryly, very glad to be in her own shoes rather than theirs.

 

      Carmilla turned around and resumed her earlier position, eyes narrowing as she realized there still wasn’t anyone there to take her order. She rolled her eyes dramatically and allowed her gaze to fall on the tattered countertop and upon alighting on a bell next to the register, she grinned and dragged it towards herself, immediately ringing it with a quick drop of her hand on the little button on the top. It tinged loudly but still no one appeared, so she did it again. And again, and again, and again until a very annoyed brunette appeared through the archway into the rear of the establishment and power walked to the front to stand behind the counter, directly facing Carmilla.

 

      “Hi, my name is Laura. What can I get for you?” The woman’s voice was tight and her smile was entirely too toothy.

 

      “Depends on whether you’re actually selling what you’re advertising.” Carmilla replied in her best sultry voice.

 

      The brunette frowned adorably. “Well, take a look at our menu. We have everything that is listed so knock yourself out.”

 

      Carmilla chuckled. “Oh I know what I want, but I don’t think what’s on your sign out front is actually listed on your regular menu. Maybe you have one for....” The raven haired woman leaned further forward, pushing her arms together to accentuate her cleavage and speaking directly into the now flustered brunette’s ear. “.... preferred customers?” Carmilla purred and was pleased to note that Laura shivered slightly.

 

      “Umm....” Laura cleared her throat and her voice fell to a normal pitch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We only have the one menu and both pizza and donairs are on it. You’re not making any sense.” She reached a hand up and ran it through her hair, flipping it to the side.

 

      “Oh come on, don’t some places have a secret menu that you can only order from if you know it exists? Well, I’m calling in on it. I want what I see outside. I mean pizza and donairs are great, but I want something a little more...... satisfying.... than your plain fair.” Carmilla was enjoying this far too much.

 

      Laura laughed nervously,her voice affecting the same higher pitch as before. “I’m sorry but I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

      Huffing out a laugh, Carmilla upped it a notch and affected her most husky undertone. “You know how some foods just put you on another plane, like nothing else could make you as happy as it does in that moment? Like you have.... peaked? Your eyes roll back in your head, and words are lost to you? Weeeeell.......” Carmilla flicked her eyes up and caught Laura’s darkening gaze. “I want something that does that to me. Right now. Can you offer me anything that does that to me?”

 

      The raven haired woman would be lying if she’d said the reaction in the brunette wasn’t also doing things for her. Seeing the instant reaction brought heat to her that was definitely not caused by the cozy temperature inside the building. The brunette’s eyes were slightly glazed and seemingly unable to tear themselves away from Carmilla’s cleavage for longer than a moment. Finally, she managed to drag them upwards and look at Carmilla properly. “I could make you a hamburger?”

 

      Carmilla groaned and slammed her forehead against the counter top, startling a yelp out of Laura. “Cupcake, you’re killing me. I didn’t think anyone was this innocent anymore.”

 

      The girl only looked even more confused. 

 

      A few more face plants later and Carmilla raised her head. “Creampuff, your sign. The sign outside. Have you even seen it?”

 

      “Of course I have, I own this place and I have to approve all our advertising.” The annoyance was back and the lusty eyes were practically gone entirely.

 

      “OH MY GOD.” Carmilla threw her hands into the air and gave up on hinting. “Buttercup, there is a dildo on your sign.”

 

      Laura stepped backwards once, sputtering. “What?! No there isn’t?! What the hell are you talking about??? There’s a pizza and donair meat tower on it. There’s no... d- what you said.”

 

      “Holy shit. You can’t even say dildo. But you can say ‘meat tower’ which really isn’t helping your case by the way.” Carmilla used air quotes and snickered. “But I’m telling you, that’s not food. That’s a dildo. Specifically one made to fit a strap on. The wide flat base gives it away.” Her grin spread to chesire cat like proportions at the blush that rose to Laura’s cheeks.

 

      The annoyed, angry, defensive, and still slightly flustered proprietor of the shop put her hands on her hips and glowered at Carmilla. “I can prove to you that it isn’t!” Laura turned and bellowed at full volume, startling many of the customers. “LAF! CAN YOU PLEASE COME HERE A SECOND?” She turned back and gave a reproachful look to the still snickering woman.

 

      A short haired redhead came through the archway, wiping their hands on an apron dusted with flour. “What’s up L?”

 

      “This.... customer just insinuated that a d-” She almost didn’t say it again, but at Carmilla’s guffaw she steeled herself and uttered the inappropriate word. “Dildo. was on our sign out front. I told her it’s a donair meat tower but she doesn’t believe me. And since you are the one that designed the sign I’d like you to tell her she is mistaken.” Laura crossed her arms, looking quite pleased with herself.

 

      But to her surprise, the redhead didn’t back her up. Instead they broke out into hysterical laughter, bending over and clutching the countertop to stop themselves from falling to the floor.

 

      “Lafontaine. Why are you laughing right now? It’s a meat tower, it’s not-” She was cut off by a new and much louder release of laughter coming out of the redhead, joined with a second person laughing.

 

      Carmilla couldn’t contain herself. “OH MY GOD CUPCAKE. STOP SAYING MEAT TOWER. PLEASE. I CAN’T BREATHE.” Her abs were aching from the laughter, and her mascara was likely ruined by the tears streaming down her face.

 

      Laura looked between the two of them, at a complete loss. Slowly her face morphed into an expression of understanding, then accusation, then embarrassment. “Lafontaine did you do this on purpose?! Why would you DO THAT?” Laura’s cheeks were red and she raised her hands to her face, trying to hide it. Some of the nearby students had overheard and were giggling, but most just looked annoyed at the disturbance.

 

      “Oh come on boss, it’s funny!” Lafontaine had pulled themselves together enough to reply finally and they wiped at their eyes to look at Laura who was quietly fuming. “Hey don’t be like that, no one in their right mind would think you had knowingly done that. Besides, like you said, the sign was designed by me. Your reputation won’t be ruined, promise.”

 

      “How can you say that! I might lose customers over that little ‘prank’ of yours!” Laura was wringing her hands, looking worried now.

 

      “Creampuff, I never would have known this place existed before seeing that sign, now I do and I can tell you now that if your food is as good as the entertainment, I’ll be back. And I’ll bring friends.” Carmilla was still giggling, honestly she wasn’t sure when she’d stop at this point. “And don’t blame this one. I like ginger and you should offer a raise, not a beat down. This was good advertising.”

 

      Laura groaned and let her head fall to the counter. “This is the worst weekend ever. First this, then dinner with my family tomorrow..... What did I do to deserve this.”

 

      Laf regained their composure and clapped a hand to Laura’s shoulder in solidarity. “Hey I get it, my family sucks too. If you want I can find someone to pretend to be your date and pay them to make the homophobes uncomfortable all night. Then you can share the misery, hey?”

 

      Having stopped laughing at the mention of homophobes, Carmilla leaned on the counter again and inquired with steel in her voice. “Wait, you have to see horrible family tomorrow?” At Laura’s almost imperceptible nod against the laminate, Carmilla smirked and got an idea. “Tell you what. Since I embarrassed you so badly tonight, why don't I make it up to you by doing what red here suggested? You already know I am good at making people squirm. Why don’t I help you make your dickhead family uncomfortable tomorrow?” There was a dangerous glint in her eye and honestly Carmilla wasn’t entirely sure why she was offering, she didn’t know this girl at all beyond that she owned a donair shop and had questionable taste in advertising. However, she knew the pain of intolerant family and she _had_ made this girl uncomfortable to the nth degree. Plus, maybe she’d get a free meal out of it and an open bar if she was lucky.

 

      The brunette raised her head at that. “Wait, you’d do that? Don’t you have your own family thanksgiving plans tomorrow?”

 

      Carmilla shrugged. “Nope. Let’s just say I have my own experience with less than ideal family members and I don’t associate with them anymore. So. Deal?” She reached a hand forward, ready to shake on it if the brunette agreed.

 

      Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long. Laura grinned and grabbed the offered hand, squeezing and shaking with force. “You’re on.” Carmilla ignored the jolt she felt, attributing it to static from the gloves she’d removed earlier (conveniently ignoring the fact that it wasn’t a shock but more of a spreading warmth.)

 

      “Excellent.” Carmilla’s grin turned predatory as she internally plotted her plan for the next night in her head. “Here, I’m going to leave you my number. Text me where and when to meet you.” She scrawled her digits on a napkin with a sharpie out of the cup next to the register and leaned forward, stuffing it into the tight front pocket of Laura’s jeans and whispering in her ear. “You still haven’t answered my question about what’s advertised on your sign though. Maybe we can revisit that later, hmm?” She drew back and her eyes smouldered as she gazed at Laura who was breathing slightly more raggedly than the moments before.

 

      “Sure. See you tomorrow.” She squeaked. Behind her shoulder Laf gave a thumbs up to Carmilla and grinned.

 

      Carmilla winked at Laura and turned on her heel, exiting the shop with excitement for the remainder of her weekend filling her and completely forgetting her hunger. This might be a pretty good thanksgiving after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a second prompt for a second part here. I want to write Carmilla being a date for hire at a family function for Laura, making everyone uncomfortable. I am thinking this will end up a series of oneshots from prompts but will all be in the same universe, and same characters. Each story will follow the one before, simply a different prompt. Is this something you guys would like? Let me know yes?
> 
> Also, comment away. You know how I love hearing what you have to say.


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